Wow. What a whirlwind of a week it’s been. Seriously. It’s been nuts.
Let’s start with last Friday, the 27th of September. Allen and I sat down to a nice homemade dinner, opened our laptops, and began the search for “The One.” I had half prepared myself to settle on a donor that was mediocre at best. As I explained in a previous post, finding a Filipino sperm donor was going to be a challenge. I was right and I was wrong. Out of the FIVE different sperm banks we looked at only ONE had any Filipinos. TEN donors in that bank had some sort of Filipino ancestry. Out of those TEN only FOUR were full Filipino. It’s almost comical. Out of all of the thousands and thousands of donors in America, we could only find FOUR full Filipinos.
Here’s what we were prepared to pick:
#1 – Full Filipino and tall aka YEAH RIGHT/IN YOUR DREAMS
If #1 wasn’t an option than we were prepared for #2 – Full Filipino, any height
And if #2 wasn’t available then our last choice we would be comfortable (I use that word loosely) with would be #3 – Half Filipino/half something else
Only one of the four full Filipinos we found was tall. He was 6’2″ but he was also around 300 lbs. NOTHING like Allen. So we instantly agreed to sacrifice the height and go with a donor that was average height. Which is actually totally fine. I could care less if our child is short. They are going to be the most adorable short little thing ever. EVER.
I’m starting to drift off topic — WE FOUND “THE ONE.” And we BOTH instantly agreed! Allen looked at me and said, “Hey, look at donor #__________. I think you’ll really like him.” SWEET. I was so happy that Allen was getting into it. And so so happy that he found a donor that he liked! It was really important to me that Allen be at peace (fully) with all of this donor sperm stuff. Anyways, he was right. I really liked the donor’s profile. Get ready for some goosebumps…
— Allen was raised in the Philippines by his Grandmother. The donor was raised in the Philippines by his grandmother.
— Allen moved from the Philippines to America with his grandmother when he was six. The donor moved from the Philippines to America with his grandmother when he was eight. The donor is two years older than Allen. Do the math.
— The donor listed… wait for it… SINGING, PLAYING GUITAR & DANCING as his favorite things to do and the things that bring him the most joy.
Goosebumps. Do you feel them?
So did we end up settling for a mediocre donor? NO WAY. It took us a couple hours to find “The One.” We had prepared ourselves to spend days and days and days searching and weighing the different options. But that wasn’t necessary. We both knew instantly. Allen told me he feels a spiritual connection. So it’s a done deal. Sold. Sign us up. Bring it on.
It was the first good news that we had had in months. We wanted to make sure we had our Doctor’s approval, so when I went in for my PAP this past Wednesday, I brought all of the donor information. Our doc said he looked like a great donor for us!
The next step was calling the sperm bank to reserve our six vials of sperm. We ended up choosing the unwashed sperm so that our doctor’s lab could handle all of the washing/processing on site. AND the unwashed vials were $100 cheaper than the washed. YEEHAW. Every dollar saved counts. Seriously. Infertility is so expensive.
So I made the call. The next step was faxing in our forms and signed contract. Done.
The last step was waiting 24 hours for the forms to process before calling to finalize the purchase. So at exactly 2:30pm today (24 hours after everything was faxed) I called the sperm bank… And ordered the sperm. OHMYGAWD.
WE JUST ORDERED OUR SPERM!
I was laughing last night. I had the giant pile of papers that we faxed in next to me… I held it up and told Allen, “This is our baby. Doesn’t that blow your mind?” He just laughed at me. But seriously. This is all nuts! I can’t be the only one out there struggling with wrapping my mind around it.
Before I go any further with this blog post I have to stop and say THANK YOU. My parents have been very supportive throughout this entire ordeal. It’s interesting to read other people’s blogs and listen to their stories of unsupportive family members. Allen and I are SO lucky to have my parents. Without their love and support (both emotionally and financially) we would NOT be able to move forward with any of this. That’s all I can type right now otherwise I’ll be a blubbering/sobby face mess.
I tend to be very high strung, anxious, neurotic at times 🙂 so I’m trying very hard to NOT be like that. My dad told me that I need to start thinking about this baby and start preparing myself for it. He’s totally right. This IUI won’t be successful if I’m stressing out about everything. Learning how to let go has been a work in progress for me. But it’s more important NOW than ever. Side note – Allen is so wonderful with me when I get all “crazy.”
It’s very hard for me to explain how I’m feeling right now. I can barely make sense of it all. I’m still incredibly sad about not having a biological child with Allen. That news is only two weeks old and still feels very fresh. I’m definitely still mourning that. And at the same time I am feeling so much joy. We found our ‘perfect’ donor when we didn’t think we were going to! That is amazing! It’s all happening so fast though. I mean, a week after Allen’s surgery/bad news we shop and find a sperm donor. And a week after that we place the order. SO FAST. All of that sadness and all of that joy is clashing and I am struggling with it. Conflicting emotions. Two very strong but very conflicting emotions… I need to figure out how to calm myself down. And fast…
…Because if all goes as planned, I’ll be ovulating the week of October 21st-26th and we’ll be trying to make a baby with science.
So how do I do it? Breathing exercises? Yoga? Meditation? Massage? I’m a Leo. I’m always fired up and usually like to be that way. But now I need to find some peace and calm down. Suggestions are welcome.
One of my older students knocked on my classroom door yesterday and peeked in while I was teaching some one my itty bittys to tell me there was a giant rainbow over the dance studio. I needed a rainbow. Reading that back, it sounds really dumb. But I did. That rainbow was a nice way to end a very emotional day. I think that was my peaceful moment for yesterday. But what do I do today?
I need to end this post with something Allen said to me the night we were shopping for sperm. We held our glasses of sparkling water up and he made this toast:
“Here’s to finding our future child on the internet… Just like how we found each other.”